


Patton knew heartbreak

by alilowens



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series), Vent fic - Fandom
Genre: Break Up, Crushes, Dark Thoughts, Disney World & Disneyland, Drug Abuse, Heartbreak, I'm sorry i'm hurting everyone of these characters, M/M, Multi, Out of characterness, Polyamorous Character, References to Depression, dance, implied suicide, mentions of cutting, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-12
Updated: 2019-09-08
Packaged: 2020-08-20 04:49:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20222086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alilowens/pseuds/alilowens
Summary: Before the story begins please read the description for trigger warnings. There are some heavy themes in this story and I don't want anyone hurt over them. There are dark thoughts, mentions of cutting, implied suicide, breakups, self deprecation, depression, poor mental health and more. Please be careful. These are also events based off my own life before you critique any of the events for being unrealistic or for the characters being out of character. This is a vent story made for my most recent breakup. Please keep these things in mind.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Before the story begins please read the description for trigger warnings. There are some heavy themes in this story and I don't want anyone hurt over them. There are dark thoughts, mentions of cutting, implied suicide, breakups, self deprecation, depression, poor mental health and more. Please be careful. These are also events based off my own life before you critique any of the events for being unrealistic or for the characters being out of character. This is a vent story made for my most recent breakup. Please keep these things in mind.

Patton knew heartbreak

\----------------------------------------------------

He felt it together with his partner in his first relationship. The first time he fell in love he was only a kid at the age of twelve, he thought they were going to last forever. Even when things got rough with both him and his partners mental health he thought it was going to be okay. Patton was never diagnosed with depression but when you hide a knife under your pillow and feel the need to scrape your skin off with it, you figure something is wrong with you. Patton figured this out quite young but never wanting to disappoint his parents he kept it inside. It was only when he met another person like him online did he realize that this wasn't normal. Deceit was the boy's name, Deceit wasn't the best person and Patton recognized that right away. But something in Deceit drew poor Patton to him. They started talking and things started going uphill, for a short while they were happy, they started dating and they figured everything would be alright. The time zone difference was only an hour and Patton was always happy to spend time with his boyfriend. Eventually though school started getting in the way of their time together. Patton tried his best to be there for his boyfriend but some days he couldn't. One particularly bad day for Deceit Patton had logged on late that night. Patton had gone out with his family to eat but the instant he got home checked on Deceit. Deceit was angry at his boyfriend, he had a very bad episode that night and blamed Patton for not being there to support him. Patton took these words to heart, while he knew he was suffering too with schoolwork and balancing his boyfriend and his depression, he decided it was best to keep his mouth shut. He had no choice but to be better to help his boyfriend. Patton started logging on everyday the instant he got home, ignoring all school work for the chance to talk to his Dee, a nickname that annoyed Deceit to no end but Patton had found endearing at the time. One day Patton decided to talk to his mother instead of Dee. Patton talked for an hour about things in his life and felt generally happy for the first time in a while, until he logged back on to his computer. What he found was Dee's account deactivated. Patton knew this stunt had happened in the past so he waited a while for Dee to make a new account. Only no new account was made. Patton tried messaging his email with no reply back. Patton was scared for his boyfriend. Was he alive? Was he dead? Patton didn't know but the one thing he was sure of was that it was his fault.

Patton never fully recovered. The first three months he lived in denial, claiming that Dee would come back again one day scolding Patton for ever thinking he was leaving. In this time Patton wrote about his wishes to be with Dee again. It was at four months when Patton had given up hope. Patton still blamed himself and refused to even look at a new person romantically. After all it had been his fault that Dee was hurt. At six months after Dee's disappearance Patton was depressed still but finally recovering. He threw away his knife blade and decided he would try to get better. He met new friends that did help him get better. But none of them could fully take away his pain.


	2. Second and third. Roman and Logan.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patton reflects on how he got together with Roman and Logan and on his breakup with Roman.

The second time Patton had experienced heartbreak was when he saw Roman's eyes. Roman was a star jock who played football and did theatre. Patton sat next to him in science class. Patton didn't think he belonged in such a class with such a star of a person next to him. Roman was quick to tell him otherwise. Patton and Roman slowly became good friends and when Patton first started thinking about the way he loved Roman's side smile and the way his laugh seemed to entrance him, he knew it was a bad sign. He couldn't hurt someone again like he did the first time. So he denied it. Patton told himself the feelings would go away quick as rain. After two months of the feelings still being there did Patton realize there was a problem. Patton didn't want to lose his friend so he tried to distance himself. It was only when strangers, classmates whose names he never learned, started to ask him rumors about him dating Roman did he realize something was going on. More people started to question him everyday, they commented on how close the two were and how Patton always made Roman laugh extra hard and brought him little gifts, and how Roman always used a softer tone for Patton and paid special attention to him during the classes games. Patton didn't know what to make of these rumors but the more he heard the more he knew it was hard to deny. A month later Patton decided to give it a chance. He decided he had no other choice then to confess his feelings to Roman even if it meant risking their friendship, he couldn't live a lie anymore. Patton confessed his secret on new years as the ball dropped. He left the room for a few minutes to watch with his parents and came back to a message from Roman saying that he had liked Patton back. Patton was over the moon thrilled and scared. He didn't want to hurt Roman. But nothing between them changed. Roman trying not to push Patton to far never asked him out. And why the time summer came Patton was getting tired of waiting for Roman to become official. The two never went on a date but on sweet summer night at 2am Patton was so sleep deprived that he messed around with google translate in a call with Roman. Patton asked Roman out in Spanish before he even realized what he was doing. After Romans reply of "um" Patton feared the worse and almost slammed his laptop shut on the brink of tears. Then Roman said yes and it was like all the weight in the world was lifted off patton's shoulders. The two connected even more after that and continued weekly Uno nights. But when school happened again and the two didn't have much time with each other they realized their needs weren't being met. Patton had so much love to give and that he wanted to give but the problem came to the fact he couldn't be happy with just Roman. He confessed this one day in tears when Roman then suggested that he could agree with polyamory. The act of loving one or more people with consent. Patton was thrilled that he could love more then one person and show it. It was when Roman asked out a new boy that was in his theatre out of seemingly nowhere did Patton feel a little left out. Patton had agreed that Roman could see this boy. So why did it hurt Patton so much when Roman went out on fancy dates with him? Patton never got fancy dates like that in fact Patton was only invited on one date by Roman and that was a few months prior. Patton felt sad and when it reached the point where strangers would walk by talking about Roman's relationship with the new boy like it was his only one made Patton's heart hurt. It was then that Patton decided to start focusing on other people too.

Patton had never meant to fall for Logan again. Of course Patton had a few crushes on his childhood friend over the years it was bound to happen. Afterall Logan was so intelligent and nice and everything Patton saw he wasn't. Patton soon started to long for a connection with Logan. A connection that was deeper then just friends. Patton wanted to go on a stargazing date with Logan and kiss his cheeks and be happy under the night. Patton realized though rationalized that his crush on Logan would go away just like all the ones prior. After three months of him still pining over the brain did he finally realize his feelings weren't changing. In those three months much had happened. Roman got even closer to his other partner and Logan had made it evident that he saw Patton as someone who changed his life but only as a friend. Even joking one time that he saw Patton more as a parental figure then a friend. Patton cried himself to sleep that night. He wanted nothing more then be someone Logan loved but it didn't seem in the stars for him. Then one night the two were playing minecraft on their Thanksgiving break. Patton was joking around naming items after puns which admittedly was a little flirty to see Logan's reactions. He even got Logan to make a few puns one being "You set my heart afire" with a flame charge as the item, it was one of Logan's favorite songs and Patton felt his heart combust with the fact that Logan had shared something like that with him. Another one that made both Patton giggle and Logan smile was a door renamed to "You're adoorable". Patton thought it was all in good fun, It was then Patton pulled out his last item. It wasn't anything special just a pun Patton made off the top of his head. A piece of wool renamed to "Wool you go out with me?" Patton gave the item to Logan and waited. Normally after each item Logan would made a hum or a sigh and start preparing his next item, but there was no noise. In fact Logan was so silent Patton then started thinking he did something wrong. Patton then typed in chat "Are you broken?" A term they used to express for when you don't have your thoughts put together. Then Logan started spamming the chat with two yes's. Confusing poor Patton until Patton got to think about his last item and a blush came to his face clear for Logan to see through the call. Patton started stuttering about how he was sorry and he didn't think it through when Logan just sat there without replying. Logan made a comment about how he thought it was clear that he was flirting with Patton the entire night. Patton then typed in the chat not trusting his voice, "Wait are we dating then?" Patton had already confessed his feelings for Logan a month prior and Roman was waiting for the two to get together. Logan sent a message "Yes that would be satisfactory." Patton then cheered was giggly the rest of the night prepared to text Roman the instant he woke up the next day. And for a while his heart was full for his two loves. Until the day things didn't change.

Patton knew Roman was romantic in every way possible except when he came to preparing dates that weren't just videogames or uno. It was past 6 months into his relationship with Roman did he realize that Roman didn't treat him like he did his other boyfriend. Roman and Patton never went on dates or kissed or did anything romantic in the slightest. Patton found himself wishing that Roman did these things for him. But he also found that the idea of kissing Roman made his stomach turn. Yes he loved Roman he did but anything past a hug made him uncomfortable. He tried to talk to Roman but found out Roman has been fixated on a new love. Patton can't stop to find himself hopeing that maybe Roman will leave him for this new love. The thoughts made Patton feel guilty but he couldn't help it, he didn't want to breakup with Roman but as each day grew he found the feelings he had for Roman becoming more platonic. Patton told himself that it was simply just a phase in his head and that he would soon fall back in love with his prince. As it became May and after five months of Patton still thinking this way he finally talked to someone. His prince's other partner and they both came to the conclusion that Roman didn't know how to deal with a relationship once he actually got into one, he only knew that he liked the chase. Roman's other partner still wanted to work things out while Patton had finally decided he couldn't fake his feelings anymore. Patton gave in explained his words to Roman and how his feelings had become platonic over text as per Roman's request. Roman accepted it and they both moved on. It was a month later when they went out with a group of friends did Patton see Roman again for the first time. An old friend referred to Patton and Roman as a couple still and their self as the third wheel, it was then that Patton looked up at Roman. Seeing Roman's eyes filled with sorrow over what they could have been made Patton's heart hurt. But he knew that it was the right choice. He hoped that it was the right choice.


	3. Third part one Virgil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patton reflects how he felt meeting Virgil and his crush on him.

The third time Patton saw true heartbreak was in himself.

He had never meant to fall in love with Virgil. Afterall it wasn't until a field trip had he really ever spoken to Virgil. He knew of him of course. Virgil was in his choir and geometry class. But they never really seemed like the type to talk. Patton was bubbly sure but only to friends and Virgil only seemed to make comments under his breath and slightly intimidated Patton. There were rumors about Virgil always circling the school. While most were spread by Remus it didn't really matter. Patton had heard them and though he felt bad about it, that was enough to keep Patton from befriending Virgil. They never truly had a connection until that choir trip. The choir goes to Disneyland every other year as per tradition. Remy was one of Patton's closest friends and Remy declared the second day that they were merging groups with a close friend of Remy's otherwise known as the person Remy refused to have a crush on no matter how much everyone thought they did. Patton didn't think too much of it other then that it could be a nice chance to make some new friends. Patton hadn't expected Virgil to be one of them. The first day with the merged groups Patton was very cautious of Virgil but as he watched as Virgil's eyes would light up whenever they passed sweets or a prince Patton couldn't help but smile. As the trip went on Patton started to befriend Virgil showing him a nice cat statue that moved in a china shop and even buying him a blue flower crown that lit up that Patton had declared "Too adorable on you not to belong to you" Which made Virgil eyes tear up and a faint blush spread across his cheeks. Patton knew he was falling in deep then but he couldn't help it. When they finally got back to the hotel, Patton and Remy decided to go the hot tubs and swim for a while. Patton liked the water and was secretly hopeing to see Virgil in a swimsuit, while Remy liked to flirt and make some new friends. What they were both disappointed to see was Remus in the hot tub. Patton normally didn't mind Remus despite Remus and Remy's troubled break up, but in that moment all Patton felt was utter jealousy. Remus was curled up in Virgil's lap like a kitten as the two casually chatted about drugs.

Drugs the one thing Patton could say with absolute certain that he despised. Patton's mother's life was torn apart my drugs, she was forced to her aunt's house for most of her life because her mother was too addicted to a pill to even notice her kid wasn't home. Patton didn't even know his grandmother was alive until his mother came home crying from a trip to walmart when he was twelve. Patton decided at that point that he would stay away from drugs and anyone who did them for his mother's sake. It was truly a shame that Virgil was too addicting.

To see Remus the guy who spread rumors about Virgil doing drugs around the entire school so casually in Virgil's lap discussing what Virgil could hook him up with, made Patton sick. So sick he grabbed Remy's arm and left. He couldn't stand to see anymore even if Virgil's swim shirt and swim shorts were appealing in his eyes. When they got back to the hotel room Patton was in tears.While the other two roommates were quick to hide Remy quick to comfort but ever so blunt told him a warning. "You are being obvious with your crush on Virgil, You will only get hurt he's not over his ex." Patton had never cried more over a simple statement, but deep down he knew that Remy his best friend for years would never lie to him. Patton didn't want to get hurt anymore then already had. So Patton took those words to heart. The rest of the trip Patton spent trying not to fall for Virgil anymore then he already had. Remus didn't make another appearance which made Patton feel like he won a battle. Everything had been going so well until they went to the french shop. This was when Patton's walls started falling down. He had never seen Virgil so happy and as he saw the biggest smile he had ever seen past Virgil's lips in the store, he decided that he was going to make Virgil this happy again, even if it meant taking him to the real Paris one day. Unfortunately for Patton Virgil being this happy meant Patton was being too obvious about his crush, Patton being reminded of Remy's statement decided to leave the french shop for some air. It was then that Patton had felt crushed just by leaving Virgil alone for a few minutes. Patton had never felt this way, at least not with Roman. Logan was always an interesting case but he wasn't sure how he was feeling. All Patton knew was that he wanted to make Virgil happy at all costs. Yes Patton continued to be obvious throughout the rest of the trip, yes he bought Virgil maybe a few too many things and earned the title of a sugar daddy by some of Virgil's friends. But Patton had decided that it was going to be okay because at least now he was friends with Virgil. And in Patton's eyes that was enough. 

But he couldn’t stop the small part of him hopeing to be more.


	4. Fourth Virgil part 2 Ending.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The ending of Patton and Virgil's story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little a/n This took so long because one little scene that is so bittersweet for me to write and still one of the things I feel bad about. I don't know if it's clear in the scene just how much more I could talk about that night but I have to stop myself because it just keeps hurting. But I'm done with this chapter I'm free. And so will Patton be.

/\/\/\

Once Patton got back from his trip he told people about his newfound crush on Virgil, why he did it he’s still not sure off but he trusted his friends and knew that if he didn’t say anything rumors would be spread anyways. He told Logan and Roman at separate times, Roman had been easy they both knew that they loved other people and accepted whatever would make their partner happy. Patton feared his conversation with Logan though. Patton had loved Logan and that would never change but he knew that Logan had insecurities and Patton didn’t want to trigger him by mistake. So Patton waited a little while before asking if it would be okay if Patton dated another person. Patton not wanting to date Virgil at that moment but knowing he couldn’t avoid the conversation forever when his heart was so full. Logan told Patton whatever would make him happy he should go for just to be careful with the balance of his relationships and everything else going on in his life. Patton appreciated Logan so much in that moment, he knew he truly loved the man who would risk his future to be with him.

Patton didn’t tell many other people, he told his sister who only knowing the rumors about Virgil wasn’t overjoyed. But she loved Patton none the less and would always support her brother. He continued to talk it out with Remy and through Remy’s many warnings, Patton decided not to make a move, afterall he was happy just being friends with Virgil. Or at least that’s what he told himself late at night. Overall Patton had been happy, he never expected the next events to occur.

\----------------

Patton’s life continued on as normal, he went back to classes, got hugs from Logan in the morning, joked around with Roman at lunch and pined over Virgil during choir and math. Patton spent most of his free time daydreaming about the dance. Patton had never been one for dances admittedly, the one time he went as Roman’s date, he had a breakdown in the bathroom because he felt he wasn’t enough for his partner. So Patton wasn’t thrilled with normal dances but this one would be okay because this was Glsen’s dance, a dance specifically for lgbt students from any school. Patton dreamed of going in a galaxy themed dress with one of his partners, but after his first date with Roman, Patton decided it wasn’t the best idea to ask him. While Logan would love the space theme, his parents wouldn’t let him go. So Patton asked Remy, as it turns out Remy couldn’t go either but promised to go the next year. So Patton gave up on going, he didn’t want to go alone and while he entertained the idea of asking Virgil (Patton’s dream plan had been making a small poster with kitkat bars,Virgil’s favorite candy, spelling out ‘Will you go to Glsen with me’ and giving it to him during GSA) but he knew he would never have the guts to do so.

He never expected to sit down in Geometry and watch as Virgil told their friend to pass Patton a note. Patton didn’t know what he was expecting but a turtle (Patton’s third favorite animal at the time) shaped note with the words “Do you wanna go to Glsen prom with my goblin ass?” ended off with a little smiley face at the end definitely wasn’t it. Patton freaked out in his head, was this real? Did Virgil mean it as a joke? But Virgil would never be that cruel. Did Virgil mean as just friends so that he wouldn’t be alone since all his friends had dates? That had to be it Patton’s mind declared. There was no way it could mean anything else. But Patton didn’t even think to say no and simply turned to Virgil with a wide smile and said yes. Patton held back the tears the rest of the class but afterwards things only got worse.

After class Virgil waited for Patton to gather up his things before walking out the door right next to him. Virgil started talking but Patton couldn’t make out all the words thanks to his heart ringing in his ears. Eventually he could make out Virgil’s words ever so slightly. “I never really like anyone romantically you know?” Patton’s heart broke and in that moment he couldn’t breath almost missing Virgil’s next sentence. “But you’re special.” Patton confused as hell started stuttering out variations of “You like me?” Virgil just laughed and said yes and that he already knew Patton liked him back. Patton then started fighting it saying that he didn’t mean to be obvious and that he really did want to be friends. But by that point Virgil was just laughing watching Patton’s tangent. It wasn’t the first time one of Virgil’s friends had a crush on him that much was clear as Patton had witnessed two confessions in that month alone. But with Virgil confessing that he at least had some feelings for Patton and that he knew about Patton’s feelings and he was asked to the dance as his date, it was overwhelming for Patton. As soon as Virgil and Patton said goodbye as they went to their separate classes, Patton started to cry nothing could ruin this day for him. Even though there was people who tried.

\--------------

Patton then went through the next week in utter bliss, receiving cute notes from Virgil, getting praise from some of his friends. Even Remy couldn’t say anything bad since technically Patton didn’t make the first move. Everything was okay until the night of the dance.

Patton had to deny Vigil’s offer to stop to get pictures because Patton had to help his friend and he felt guilty about it for hours. Then they reached the actual time of the dance. Patton was so excited, in that moment he felt nothing but happiness as he walked through the doors. He looked around for Virgil and as time passed Patton’s mindset slowly got worse. As it reached almost twenty minutes after the dance had supposed to begun, Patton started to believe that it was just a cruel joke. He knew that Virgil would never be that cruel though, maybe he had done something to upset Virgil? Maybe he was upset about the pictures and decided not to come and it was all Patton’s fault. It was killing Patton before he finally saw Virgil walk through the doors. Patton was breathless and found himself not being able to speak as he hid behind a friend. He saw Virgil smile and in that moment he knew that everything was going to be alright. Even if it was just that night and Virgil decided to never see him again he knew that things would be alright.

Of course Patton got jealous as the night went on and he watched Virgil dance with a pretty girl, it was Patton's fault after all for not liking dancing. He should have made the effort for Virgil but it was too late. So Patton sat in a corner watching his date have fun. Yes Patton indeed talk to his other friends and was having a good time, it's just he wanted Virgil's attention and when Virgil noticed his frown from a few feet away he was come to the rescue and fix it. Virgil held Patton's hand and as Patton was almost in Virgil's lap, he felt at peace. Patton had never felt this calm before, so he did what he always did and mumbled words. This case a sentence not thinking anyone would pay attention or mind it. But Virgil was different. Virgil asked him what he said and Patton replied in a slightly louder tone without thinking.

"Can I kiss you?"

Patton shocked himself with that sentence. It's not that Patton hadn't thought it before, with Logan and Roman but Roman he was never that comfortable with and Logan and him had always taken things slow. So why now of all times would he say that?

All Virgil did in reply was laugh and say yes, Patton being a stuttering mess just hid in the crook of Virgil's neck for a few seconds. Quite frankly Patton would have been content hiding there forever but Virgil's voice interrupted his pity party with his own sentence forever engraved in Patton's brain.

"Do you want me to kiss you instead?" 

Again another laugh and Patton just couldn't help himself from nodding. So they kissed and Patton whispered while hiding in the crook of Virgil's neck again that it was indeed Patton's first kiss. Leading to a Virgil quick to question and make sure Patton was okay. He was. Then Patton could only hide in even more embarrassment as Virgil had loudly said to their friends.

"Guess who just stole a first kiss!"

Patton could only laugh and be happy in this moment. He knew that even if Virgil changed his mind and never wanted to see Patton again, that this would be okay. Because Patton would always have this moment.

\------------------

Surprisingly Virgil did continue to see Patton and they did go on another date after that. This time Patton asked but only after checking that Virgil was 100% okay with it. Patton wasn't sure and still isn't to this day sure when they started dating, but at some point of Emile calling him Virgil's boyfriend and Virgil agreeing he started to see that they really were together. (Later confirmed when Patton had one of his friends message asking Virgil because he was so scared of asking himself. The answer Virgil gave was "I sure hope so lol" Leading Patton into a gay panic of "what if he doesn't really mean it? Does he want me to ask him out officially? Whats going on??" With a quick follow through of one of Patton's friends threatening to punch Patton for being such an idiot. Yes it turns out they were officially together) 

Everything had been going alright until the day Virgil left for vacation Emile and Patton went over to surprise him. Patton didn’t want to leave Virgil, he didn’t want Virgil to leave him. But Patton was used to putting on a fake smile, everything would be okay.

Virgil left not long after that, it was a temporary thing. It was a vacation for Virgil. It was hell for Patton. Patton was used to seeing Virgil everyday and then going weeks with nothing hurt him dearly. Saying that he missed Virgil was an understatement, he tried to explain to Virgil multiple times but he could never sort out his own words. If Patton said he missed him Virgil would respond with some distance in his tone. Patton really hoped Virgil wasn’t lying. Patton really hoped that Virgil felt the same way.

They had a few days together once Virgil got back, but never any time alone. Virgil grew distant over the summer but Patton had hoped it was just Virgil being anxious about school returning.

One day Patton woke up to a message from Virgil. Patton was surprised because Virgil never texted him first before. Patton checked it in a heartbeat not thinking much of it. Two paragraphs. Patton suddenly understood what it was about. Virgil was breaking up with Patton. Patton cried over the message but he had to understand. He had to support Virgil no matter what he was feeling. Virgil’s reasons to break up made sense, so he agreed to the break up, (He knew what it was like to stay with someone like that before.) Patton cried for three hours. Patton texted Emile not soon afterwards, Emile said to come over so they could vent and cry together. Patton did, but not before receiving a message from Virgil saying how he was thankful Patton was understanding. Patton then messaged Remy asking to go for ice cream like Remy had promised the first time Patton felt his heart hurt about Virgil. Remy couldn’t make it but Patton curled up with Emile and napped together while clinging to stuffed animals. One that originally was a gift for Virgil but Emile told Patton to keep it for himself. He did with a lot of regret. His heart still wanted to believe that they could get back together after Virgil sorted his issues. But Patton knew that was unhealthy. He had to move on but he couldn’t. He loved Logan but it was different from his love for Virgil. Patton knew things had to change, he couldn’t risk getting hurt more so he had to take that hope and shove it down for as long as it takes for him to not hurt. Patton cried a lot that day. 

\-----

Patton wasn’t sure where he stood with Virgil. He wanted to be friends, that was a lie. He wanted to be more then friends but after what happened with Deceit, Patton knew being breaking up was for the best. Patton wasn’t sure if Virgil wanted him in his life anymore. Patton wanted to be Virgil’s friend no matter what and he wasn’t letting a pesky break up get in the way of that. Patton knew that he was going to try his best to be Virgil’s friend unless Virgil told him otherwise but Patton knew that it might be best for both of them to get a little bit of space. With school starting back up though and them being in the same class? Space wasn’t going to be something that Patton could live through, he couldn’t live with ignoring Virgil. He couldn’t. The first day came and Patton tried his best to give Virgil space. After all Virgil was stressed out from starting school and Patton didn’t want his presence to hurt Virgil. There was a few shared glances but Patton didn’t speak to him. Patton hurt deeply but it was the right thing he told himself. Patton was tired of lying to himself.

The second day Patton decided that he would still give Virgil some space but he wasn’t going to leave, he would be civil and interact with Virgil only when Virgil wanted to. In the morning Patton walked by realizing that Virgil was busy with Emile and didn’t need a distraction. When time passed to the class they were in, when Virgil entered Patton didn’t watch. When he looked over to Virgil on the bleachers and they shared a glance, Patton simply said hi and moved on about his day waiting for his other friend to arrive in the class. It was something simple, Virgil’s smile when he said hi. It was enough for Patton to realize that maybe they could be friends without hating each other. Everything was going to be okay!

Patton later went to karaoke for the second day in a row. (Virgil was at the first one but Patton was too focused on Logan singing quietly next to him to care.) This time with no Logan at his side, thanks to Logan being in band and having to prepare for a pep rally. Patton was alone with strangers on the other side of the room. Patton didn’t mind that Virgil was in the room, he wanted to listen to the music after all and Patton was happy just being there. Patton didn’t expect Emile to wander over, sure they were friends outside of Virgil. Yes Emile was the first person Patton messaged about the breakup. But with Virgil in the room Patton had never expected Emile to talk to him. Emile sits down next to Patton and tried to hand him a bracelet. Patton was confused out of his mind. Emile simply explains that it was a present from Virgil, offering no help to Patton’s stammerings of “What does this mean?” Emile just slides the bracelet onto Patton’s wrist and with a sentence of “It’s a bracelet, you put in on your arm and you wear it.” quickly switches topics answering none of Patton’s questions. Emile brings up the party they were hosting. Patton already fearing the worst of what could happen there didn’t appreciate Emile’s joke of “It’s okay as long as you and Virgil don’t end up fighting there.” causing Patton to almost burst into tears while stammering that he would never fight Virgil. (Though he later changed his mind.) Emile then seeing Patton starts trying to calm him down with reassurements that he was just joking and he knows Patton would never fight anyone. Then Emile left Patton alone. Patton didn’t watch Emile go back to Virgil but he knew that’s where Emile was headed. Instead he just looked down at his bracelet. It was light blue. It had little seashells and Patton knew Virgil had gotten it while he was on vacation. Patton wondered if Virgil had always had plans to give it to him, even before they broke up? Maybe it was something Virgil had no longer wanted to see and associate with him like the lighter Patton had gotten for him originally. Maybe it was just a gift that Virgil gave him as a way for paying him back for the lighter? Patton didn’t know but he had classes to get through and he couldn’t dwell on this all day. (No matter how much he wanted too)

Patton continued to think about it during the pep rally. Patton then thought about the color a little bit too much. He tried not to overthink things, he really did. But Patton just couldn’t help it. Light blue, Patton had always liked blue. Had Virgil known that? Was that the reason? Or was it something Patton wasn’t thinking of. Was it because it matched the dress and the jacket he was wearing the day before? No Patton wasn’t sure his terms with Virgil yet that day and he doubted Virgil would have done something spontaneous like that while not knowing. Then something dawned on Patton. Virgil had posted a little thing on his story. Six colors that he associated with six different emotions. The color Virgil had posted as a color he associated with his happiness. It was baby blue.

Patton was always told that he made Virgil happy, but he was never truly sure of it. But knowing that Virgil had unintentionally(?) (Was it intentional?) gotten him something he associated with happiness made Patton’s heart beat. Patton almost started crying. Patton knew that things would be okay. Even if they were just friends. Patton knew he made Virgil happy and he would do his best too. They were friends. Friends make each other happy.

Patton thought about his bracelet everytime he had free time until the rest of the day. Patton couldn’t wait to see his friend at the party. Patton couldn’t wait to see his friend.

At the party Emile and Patton hung out for a while, Patton being on alert the whole ti

\----

me because Virgil was in the room sleeping on the floor with a look on his face like he was judging Patton. Then Remy arrived with their s/o and suddenly the room was okay. By the time Virgil woke up, Patton felt comfortable with being surrounded by all his friends to even think about Virgil. Okay so maybe he did still think about Virgil but he wasn't going to let it mess with too many of his actions. 

Later after two horror movies (Emile and Virgil's favorite and god they will always get their way together.)

Everyone was at peace, they played truth or dare. Nothing that interesting happening other then Patton being forced to switch out his leggings for jeans and Remy revealing way too much about their sex life. Everyone was joking and comfortable with each other. Patton didn't like horror too much so he joked about the film as much as he could and to his delight Virgil or Remy would always make comments on his jokes agreeing with him. After many many comments on how pretty the girls and a few guys were, they eat pizza that Emile's boyfriend ordered and they relaxed. 

Then Virgil made a self depreciating comment and Patton took things a little too far disagreeing. Virgil saying something along of lines of "Fight me" and Patton walked over to him and knelled down to where Virgil was sitting down on the floor and said how wonderful he was. Seeing how anxious Virgil was tugged at Patton's heart so Patton slipped the twenty out of his phone and handed it to Virgil, telling him to make a new chewable stem toy since school was stressing him out so much. Virgil tried to say no, but Patton refused saying that Virgil needed it and that if he didn't take Patton's money then Patton would buy him a toy he didn't like and force it into Virgil's hands. So Virgil took the money but then hugged Patton. Patton didn't know what to do, Virgil was never the most affectionate person and he was never the one to initiate anything but kisses. But Patton hugged him back and then he realized. He didn't want to be more then friends, he wanted this moment.He wanted to be Virgil's friend and get to hold him no matter what. He wanted to be friends and nothing was worth risking that. In that moment and from then on Patton decided he would be Virgil's friend and he would be happy being just that.

The end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/n I know this isn't the ending people want. For the longest time it wasn't the one I wanted. But I realize now it's for the best, you can't force things that aren't there. This is the reality of my life. And that's okay. 
> 
> Also I'm sorry if anything seems too rushed or not with my memories it's hard to tell things at this point.


End file.
